you must have heard this song
"i'll do anything for....
your smile anything
for your smile anything..
for you.....
i'll go anywhere for...
your smile anywhere
for your smile anywhere
for you...."
I am what you call a very very selfish person.If you told me you where in trouble i would help with all my might but for the daily chores of life I wont help you,why? cause I put myself first and after im finished with serving my needs (which is very very high) i am tired and need rest (physical needs usually).So to be short if its My room its clean.if its My desk it is neat,if its My locker its tidy and locked.Im not the person who stretches herself for people cause I hate whining about it after Ive done something for someone and if i have done something i dont complain cause I dont expect anything form that person in return (life has taught me that very early ...strange but true!) .I do things for people cause I need to help myself become a better person I dont want anything from them in return (not good usually )
I was suddenly put in charge of a dog.God gave me a dog! of the things in the whole wide world a dog! to feed and care andbreak my head one twenty time...and guss what I dont feel a thing I dont think i'm doing hell cause when i'm back home life seems lighter no matter how much pea and vomit i have to clean cause she runs about and makes me simle and forget all my pain.I acrually caring for another persons need so easy?
SNOW FLAKES
snow flakes look like this under a microscope!
As a kid I used to fold a square piece of paper into four sides and cut it to form similar patterns and amma would tell me that they looked just like snowflakes .I would nod my head -I like too believe the things she said were true, but I knew deep down somewhere in the corner of my mind snowflakes couldnt have looked so complexly shaped.As I grew I started to study,got to school and then in the course of time I find out that snowflakes actually look like the paper models I had cut out....I smiled to myself as I saw the pictures with the title(snowflakes under microscope) below mom was right after all.....
I guess thats how our ideas of god is .Its so hard to believe that there is a force behind the beauty we see every morning.Why do the leaves on the branches arrange themsleves in order,Why do ants walk in a line?,Why does the sea follow different currents? It all seems too complex to match the simple unexplainable existence of a supernatural force involved in the existence of the world.
LONELYNESS
you stand in a crowd and people ask you how life is and you stand smiling ,nodding your head and answering questions they ask you and in the darkness of your mind you slowly crawl into a box (like a kid playing with a cardboard box).everybody is nice and sweet.you dont know if they are the same behind your back.they cant be a saint all the time for Pete's sake!.All you want to be is alone.Safe in the arms of your source.The world is but a stage no one will stand by you forever.Hurt is not a permanent thing .All humans do hurt somtime.The more you love a person ,the more you gather their essence,the more you become a part of you the harder it gets for you to let them go,the more you get hurt by the things they say and do.Hurt is a part of life hurts fine cause its always temporary,but to know that after going through all the hurt ,laughter and tears you will have to say good bye......I dont think its worth the pain.Call it detached if you want .but in a crowd where all looks grey ,not black nor white. I would rather stay away.
If I can help you I would,if you want me to stay I will ,If you want me to be there in your misery,laughter...anything? say the word and I will be there.Just remeber I will pass away and so will you...It leaves you loney in the end...kind of an eerie feeling creeps over me everytime I think of it. "THE WORLD IS BUT A STAGE,EVERYTHING PASSES AWAY"
IF HEAVEN IS THIS ,IM NOT SCARED OF DYING
I leaned over a cold metal pole,I could smell spirit (I was in a hospital) behind the curtain I felt people where poking me and pulling things out of me !it hurt.I had come to this sad state because of a small thing that had become complicated(Thats all I remember).But I was growing stronger (the "me "that was leaning on the pole) as the one behind the curtain was growing weaker. I could feel unhappiness and a sadness with a hurting I couldnt touch or reach.At the same time there was a calling I couldnt turn deaf to "I had to go" I couldnt remember what kept me wandering around the place, there was a hurting that I wanted to comfort,but I couldnt.I felt confused,incomplete, I had to leave something.It was like trying to hold water In your hands..no matter how hard you tried water still slipped through your fingers.... I couldnt remember what it was ,It was something I held very dear to my heart,I was frogetting what it was as time passed.Then I just left.
Out of the building the road buzzed with traffic,it was the morning rush hour.I was lost, I fainty felt the road was familiarI tyried to read to road sighns but I couldnt read I had forgotten how to read the language I spoke,I was illiterate.I was lost! I was starting to panic then I recognised someone ,I remembered her name ! .It was like when someone shares you birthday you have a special bond for that person,a similarity. I felt that bond when I saw her. she was well dressed ,in a black saree, I was dressed in black too .we walked side by side,she seemed more calmer than me .I was scared. We said nothing we had forgotten the language we spoke.I felt comforted that I wasnt the only one,I felt comforted by her company.We walked for a little while to a mud road then all of a suddenly a sea of light flashed before us and a warm surf drowned my darkness away.I HAD NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY EVER IN MY LIFE,I WAS COMPLETE ,I WAS HOME!
I woke up to my mother telling me something,it was a dream,It was more than just a dream,I wonder what it was......I wonder what it meant.....if the sea of light was what heaven looked and felt like I am not scared to die.
Out of the building the road buzzed with traffic,it was the morning rush hour.I was lost, I fainty felt the road was familiarI tyried to read to road sighns but I couldnt read I had forgotten how to read the language I spoke,I was illiterate.I was lost! I was starting to panic then I recognised someone ,I remembered her name ! .It was like when someone shares you birthday you have a special bond for that person,a similarity. I felt that bond when I saw her. she was well dressed ,in a black saree, I was dressed in black too .we walked side by side,she seemed more calmer than me .I was scared. We said nothing we had forgotten the language we spoke.I felt comforted that I wasnt the only one,I felt comforted by her company.We walked for a little while to a mud road then all of a suddenly a sea of light flashed before us and a warm surf drowned my darkness away.I HAD NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY EVER IN MY LIFE,I WAS COMPLETE ,I WAS HOME!
I woke up to my mother telling me something,it was a dream,It was more than just a dream,I wonder what it was......I wonder what it meant.....if the sea of light was what heaven looked and felt like I am not scared to die.
Gilbert aunty and coming home...
My boots waded through water ,dead leaves stuck to my favourite red pin striped (now wet) pants I was not complaining I never did but this time I had a long way to go.There was a smile on my lips yet I was shivering as I walked alone along the bulevard polished with beautifull graphite, blank puddles the rippled every now and then, as a cycle creeked its way slowly down the road.I had met someone ..not having gone to the place where I loved to talk to my boss each weekend and meet other people who worked for him too(I really had a problem then believeing he existed..that was then) because as you know some roumours in an office cause a lot of pain and well I was this geek who cared about something called a "reputation"...back then..I never fitted in a crowd..not even ready made clothes like to fit on me! my firends they liked me .Later sitting In a hospital bed I remember no one even called...ya they liked me (entertainment matereial..I thought they thought I was).I went back there was a feast today...after a ENTIRE year ..I never stopped to keep thinking of my boss...I missed him and his office .....(he has offices all over Chennai)I seen most of them and I really missed this one.I entered this one I expected everyone to stare at me with face that would Ignore me...maybe not racognise me....I didnt know what to look forward to.I crept up the stairs ....and sat in the dark I saw them after such a long time.....they sang a song...rehearsing for the nights festivites...I sat in tears they looked so different.....I missed them,I missed my boss.I was home
I was greeted with happyness and they missed me too .....!to my surprise.I was not hated after all, In my favourite office.The rumours where forgotten...I tried my best to put them right..I couldnt do more....but It gladdened me that they didnt matter anymore....
In the corner of the hall sat a grand old lady (I used to sleep away during her disussion meeting and during the time I was awake I used to fight with her)...would she remember me?I waked up to her a little hesitantly and smiled a shy Hi!.......And she left me frozen with surprise!!....."where have you been.you never came here since last year in june!" she said .she asked about my dream (I had told her a long time ago) she asked about my family...I was worthy of being remebered!...I walked along the road...A smile on my lips...I was remembered fondly In my bosses office.My favoutite office....They didnt hate me after all
My boots waded through water ,dead leaves stuck to my favourite red pin striped (now wet) pants I was not complaining I never did but this time I had a long way to go.There was a smile on my lips yet I was shivering as I walked alone along the bulevard polished with beautifull graphite, blank puddles the rippled every now and then, as a cycle creeked its way slowly down the road.I had met someone ..not having gone to the place where I loved to talk to my boss each weekend and meet other people who worked for him too(I really had a problem then believeing he existed..that was then) because as you know some roumours in an office cause a lot of pain and well I was this geek who cared about something called a "reputation"...back then..I never fitted in a crowd..not even ready made clothes like to fit on me! my firends they liked me .Later sitting In a hospital bed I remember no one even called...ya they liked me (entertainment matereial..I thought they thought I was).I went back there was a feast today...after a ENTIRE year ..I never stopped to keep thinking of my boss...I missed him and his office .....(he has offices all over Chennai)I seen most of them and I really missed this one.I entered this one I expected everyone to stare at me with face that would Ignore me...maybe not racognise me....I didnt know what to look forward to.I crept up the stairs ....and sat in the dark I saw them after such a long time.....they sang a song...rehearsing for the nights festivites...I sat in tears they looked so different.....I missed them,I missed my boss.I was home
I was greeted with happyness and they missed me too .....!to my surprise.I was not hated after all, In my favourite office.The rumours where forgotten...I tried my best to put them right..I couldnt do more....but It gladdened me that they didnt matter anymore....
In the corner of the hall sat a grand old lady (I used to sleep away during her disussion meeting and during the time I was awake I used to fight with her)...would she remember me?I waked up to her a little hesitantly and smiled a shy Hi!.......And she left me frozen with surprise!!....."where have you been.you never came here since last year in june!" she said .she asked about my dream (I had told her a long time ago) she asked about my family...I was worthy of being remebered!...I walked along the road...A smile on my lips...I was remembered fondly In my bosses office.My favoutite office....They didnt hate me after all
sometimes
sometimes I trip when fall .slip when I slide,
face danger when I choose to take the risk.
I guess there is no such thing as a mistake that happened all by itself
even lies have reasons,and most of anger is due to pain
trees have roots and ships turn only if they have sails
If you are ready to give everything, be ready to loose everything
If you want to cimbing up the ladder be ready to works you head off
If you get on a bus be prepared to pay....and if your not ready....
Be ready to pay a bigger fine for not paying
there is no such thing as excuses and everything has its consequences
But "SOMETIMES" beautifull things do happen....
rain in summer,roses from a 'nobody',smile on a siff persons face,mushrooms from rotten leaves,
smell of coffee from an empty cofee jar
I guess life does not have all the answers to everything and there are somethings without roots ,somethings without reasons...the faster you accept that these "SOMETIMES" do actually happen, the more frequently do you realise to appreaciate them....then life dosen't seem so bad at all .does it?
AFTER ALL THERE IS A WORD IN THE DICTIONARY CALLED "MIRACLE" RIGHT?
it only starts when you begin to believe that exceptions,miracles and adventures actually exist in your boring life......they have always been there ,youve just failed to notice them...
face danger when I choose to take the risk.
I guess there is no such thing as a mistake that happened all by itself
even lies have reasons,and most of anger is due to pain
trees have roots and ships turn only if they have sails
If you are ready to give everything, be ready to loose everything
If you want to cimbing up the ladder be ready to works you head off
If you get on a bus be prepared to pay....and if your not ready....
Be ready to pay a bigger fine for not paying
there is no such thing as excuses and everything has its consequences
But "SOMETIMES" beautifull things do happen....
rain in summer,roses from a 'nobody',smile on a siff persons face,mushrooms from rotten leaves,
smell of coffee from an empty cofee jar
I guess life does not have all the answers to everything and there are somethings without roots ,somethings without reasons...the faster you accept that these "SOMETIMES" do actually happen, the more frequently do you realise to appreaciate them....then life dosen't seem so bad at all .does it?
AFTER ALL THERE IS A WORD IN THE DICTIONARY CALLED "MIRACLE" RIGHT?
it only starts when you begin to believe that exceptions,miracles and adventures actually exist in your boring life......they have always been there ,youve just failed to notice them...
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